


you're not gonna leave me, this place is right where you need to be

by niccals



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Happy Ending, Mental Institutions, Suicide Attempt, sorry this is edgy i only know how to write sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 13:57:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17809247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niccals/pseuds/niccals
Summary: in which alex attempts suicide.





	you're not gonna leave me, this place is right where you need to be

“I think Alex is going to kill himself.” Will frantically spoke through the phone, not even giving James time to say hello.

“What?!” James nearly yelled in response, his chest tightening in panic and worry. “How do you know? Where is he?” James fired questions through the phone.

“I’ll explain later. Know the bridge that’s like five minutes from your flat? I’m quite certain that’s where he is. Please, get there now. You’re closer than I am to him.” Will frantically explained and tried to keep his voice from wobbling too much.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course.” James responded, his heart thumping heavy against his ribcage. James moved quickly to scramble and put his shoes on, managing to pull a coat on with one arm as he made his way out of his flat.

“Are you still there, James?” Will spoke through the phone when he reached ground floor.

“Yes, yeah I am.” James responded and got in the lift of his building.

When James reached ground floor he sprinted out of there and must have caused some concerned looks but quite honestly he didn’t have time to think about that. James hailed a cab and got in, instructing the driver to his destination and asked him to go as fast as he possibly could. He reached into his coat pocket where he’d stuffed his phone and hadn’t bothered to hang up on Will who, by the looks of it, was still there.

“Will?” James asked, tapping his fingers against his leg with nerves.

“Yeah?” Came a response from the other.

“Shall I meet you there or do I just look for him?” James asked. He really wished his chest would loosen up a little because it was getting hard to breathe.

“I’ll be there but you’ll get there first, I need you to just find the little fella. Yeah?” Will responded and James heard him giving instructions to, who he assumed was, his cab driver.

“Yeah. Does George know?” James asked again.

“Yes.” Will responded. “I’m going to hang up, yeah? Text me when you're there.”

“Okay, I will.” James said, bringing the phone down from his ear to be met with just his lock screen.

The cab ride to the bridge was draining. All James could do was sit on the ugly leather seats and stare out the window as if everything was fine when in reality one of his best mates was either dead or was about to be dead. His whole body was tense and his mind was a whirlwind of what-if’s.

The cab stopped a few meters away from the bridge after only a few minutes that honestly felt like hours. James threw the cab door open barely seconds after it stopped, handed a tenner to the driver, and immediately began sprinting along the barren bridge.

James’ lungs were in his throat by the time he was halfway across the bridge and he was taking a breath just so he wouldn’t pass out. That’s when he saw him. Alex. He was sitting cross-legged on the opposite side of the railing on a short ledge, staring down at the rushing waters below.

James didn’t know what to do. He supposed he should’ve looked it up on the ride here. Then he realized he hadn’t texted Will when he arrived, which he was reminded of by a buzzing in his coat pocket. James secretly hoped that Alex hadn’t heard that.

James stealthily slipped his phone out of his pocket and looked over a text from Will. He’d typed back a response, proving difficult because he just kept glancing up at Alex, though he eventually managed.

WillNE: I’m here

James M: Same. I see Alex. Hurry

James steadily approached Alex, keeping his footsteps light as he slowly walked closer to the railing. He could faintly hear what he assumed to be Will’s quickened footsteps drawing closer. James turned his head for a second to check that it was Will and, yep, it was. His attention was quickly put back on Alex after he heard a squeak of surprise.

“Alex, what the bloody hell are you doing?” Will called out once he stopped a small distance away from James. James and Will watched as a frightened Alex scampered up and out of his sitting position to one that was standing, his frightened expression now turning into a somber, upset one.

“Go away.” Alex weakly responded, gripping the railing tighter and glancing back at the water. Maybe he was looking at the jagged rock about 20-something meters below that would certainly kill a grown man, James realized.

“Alex, could you please come here?” James attempted persuasion. Alex just shook his head in response. 

“Don’t do this, mate.” Will attempted, taking a few steps closer to Alex, which James mimicked. Alex hunched his shoulders in response and took a step back so that the heels of his trainers were over the ledge.

“Alex, listen to us, come back over and we can help you, yeah?” James pleaded and took another step forward; a step that Alex didn’t seem to notice. “We aren’t mad.” James took another attempt but Alex didn’t look like he was budging.

“Y’gotta think about us, Al, and all your viewers. What’ll we do without you?” Will questioned, his voice strained and wobbly.

“No, please.” Is all Alex said. James and Will both came closer, each one now only a half a meter away from Alex now. “Back up!” Alex cried, raising his voice to just below a shout. The other two men flinched but stood their ground.

Now that he were closer to Alex, James could see how tremors wracked through the boys body. His eyes were puffy and his face was blotchy. He could look in Alex’s eyes but they were dull and lifeless. Yet somewhere back there, terrified and unsure. That may have just been James projecting the hopefulness he wanted onto Alex, though. He couldn’t be sure.

“Alex, please, if you aren’t going to come down will you just talk to us?” James pleaded through his tight throat.

“I can’t. There’s nothing.” Alex quietly responded. As if in slow motion, Alex removed one hand from the railing and turned around to face away from James and Will.

“Alex, don’t.” Will frantically cried. “Don’t you fucking dare.” Alex only glanced back at Will, giving him a watery smile and turning back towards the ledge. He shuffled his feet halfway off the ledge, stopped, and took a breath.

James knew what had to be done. Alex wouldn’t like it and would probably hate him for it but this was his life at stake here. So, without a second thought, James dashed forward to the barrier. He wrapped his arms around Alex’s upper torso and lifted him back up and over the barrier.

Alex was screaming. Of course he was. He was screaming and crying and trembling like a leaf in a hurricane. James just kept his grip on Alex. He took his arms from being wrapped around his torso and under his armpits to holding his arms and chest. One of his arms was gripped around Alex’s lower torso and he squeezed Alex’s legs between his own to stop him from kicking so much. James silently thanked his body for growing to be so tall and for growing larger than Alex. For all he knew if he had been Will’s size and just a few inches shorter Alex could’ve scrambled back over the railing by now. 

It took several minutes for Alex to calm down but he did eventually- for the most part. James still held him; crying gently and trembling. No more screaming now and he wasn’t trying to rip James’ face off. James was gently rocking Alex back and forth, one hand combing through his hair and the other holding onto one of Alex’s hands. Alex’s head was lolled back against James’ shoulder as well. Beside them is where Will sat, pale faced and silent, just staring at Alex with a frown.

On the ride home all three men were completely silent. Alex seemed very out of it, James generally just had no words, and god knows what Will was thinking right now. It was a tight fit, the three of them in the backseat of a cab, but none of them seemed to mind. Alex was half asleep with his head resting on James’ shoulder and Will was staring out the window, a hand rested on Alex’s knee beside him.

When the cab finally pulled up to Alex, George, and Will’s building Alex was already asleep. Will handed the cab driver and looked over at Alex and James.

“Should I wake him?” James asked Will quietly as to not wake Alex.

“No, I reckon not.” Will responded in a whisper-tone as well. James nodded, clicking the car door open at the same time as Will. James leaned over into the middle of the backseat and gently manoeuvred Alex so that James was holding him bridal style, an arm under his knees and the other under his armpits while Alex’s face limply rested against James’ chest.

Alex was somehow still asleep by the time James and Will reached the flat. James’ arms were about to give out on him so he stumbled through the door, ignoring George’s voice calling to Will from his room, and laid Alex down on the sofa. James is just glad Alex weighed about the same as a grade ten boy or he definitely would’ve been dropped a lot sooner.

James had laid a nearby blanket over Alex, leaving the boy to rest before making his way to George’s room where he heard him and Will already talking. James pushed open the door, knocking as he did to alert them of his presence.

“Hey.” James said giving Will and George a sad smile who returned it.

“He asleep still?” Will asked to which James nodded and gently clicked the door closed behind him.

“You lot should take him to the hospital.” George spoke suddenly. James hasn’t considered that before, surprisingly enough. Now that he was thinking about it though he realized that what Alex really needed was some serious help.

“Thought I’d let him rest for a bit. It looks like the kid hasn’t slept in awhile.” James explained and Will nodded along.

“You’re taking him though, right?” George confirmed.

“Yeah, of course.” James breathed out.

“You’re awfully quiet now, Will.” George said with a light, barely present chuckle as to lighten the mood just a little bit.

“Yeah. It’s just a shock, innit? It’s like one moment the kid was nearly gone and the next we had him back. Now he’s asleep in that lounge. Just feels a bit unreal now is all.” Will explained. Silence followed. There was a lot of awkward silence and dragged out moments before someone would say something.

George, James, and Will continued on their discussion. There was a lot of silence, as no one really knew what to say then, but they’d unanimously made the decision to bring Alex to a hospital once he awoke. He most likely wasn’t majorly hurt or anything but he was a danger to himself and James felt himself becoming anxious by just leaving him asleep alone in another room.

Alex was asleep for a little longer than an hour after he was brought home. When he woke up again he was laid on the lounge sofa of his flat with George, James, and Will all sat on opposing couches having a conversation. James could’ve gotten whiplash from how fast he turned his head towards Alex once he heard shuffling from that direction.

“Alex, hey.” James said, causing George and Will to look over at Alex as well. Alex didn’t respond for a moment, just brought his knees up to his chest and scrunched his face in what James assumed was confusion but for all he knew it could’ve been the bright lights.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Will lightheartedly teased and smiled at Alex who just looked at him, expression remaining stoic.

“Hi…” Alex replied, voice rough from sleep. James didn’t miss how George seemed suddenly more silent.

“Alex, we’re gonna talk, yeah?” James said, breaking the building tension. Alex pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed nervously on it.

“Right.” Alex said quietly, barely audible.

“Why’d you do it, Al?” Will asked in a noticeably upset tone. Alex just frowned and turned his head away.

“I don’t know.” The boy in question responded in that same quiet tone. James knew for a fact that Alex was keeping something from him. Alex knew he knew the reason he stood on that ledge, fully prepared to jump off.

“Not to be a git but you lot need to take him to a hospital, now.” George spoke up. James and Will both nodded and looked over at Alex who had his head turned back to him, tears welling up in his eyes and a look of fear on his face.

“I don’t need a hospital. You know what they’ll do? I reckon lock me up like a head case!” Alex spoke up, raising his voice for the first time since he woke up.

“Listen, Alex, by this point you haven’t really got a choice.” James sighed at Alex who just hunched his shoulders up and glanced around the room as if taking everything in for the first time.

“You lot go on. I’ll call his parents.” George offered. Alex remained silent but seemed uncomfortable and definitely upset.

“Right, yeah. You need anything, Alex?” Will asked, standing up with James following suit. Alex stared at the floor and nodded.

“Phone.” Alex mumbled, stumbling up into a standing position and speeding to his room. James’ heart stopped at the surprise and immediately his thoughts began erratically racing. Luckily for him, Will had thought something similar as he dashed after Alex, following only a small length behind Alex. The poor bloke just looked back down at the floor in what seemed like shame.

Alex, James, and Will left the flat shortly after while George stayed behind and left a text message to Alex’s parents. The trio that’d left earlier that day had stayed out for well over an hour and returned at nearly nine that night, though without Alex. He’d been voluntarily submitted into a psychiatric ward as to ensure his absolute safety.

Will and James sat and caught George up on the past events. Alex wouldn’t spend much time in there and from the staffs initial predictions he would only stay about five or seven days. After that, even though they didn’t have to be told, Alex would have to be monitored for awhile at most times. That meant Will and James would need to be over more often as well as George needing to be in the same room as Alex for a few hours a day.

James knew the path to recovery was going to be harsh on Alex, the poor boy, but he truly did believe in him. Will and George believed in him. Even Fraser, despite being out of town, specifically told James on the phone to send the message to Alex that he was most certainly loved.

Alex has everyone on his side. He will be better and one day he’s going to be so absolutely ecstatic to be alive. James knew so, as did everyone else. But, James was going to have to wait for Alex to come back home to remind him of that, and he's already decided that that is well worth the wait.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @https09


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